2004-01-12 - 10:48 a.m.

Holly Golightly: The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of.

A bad case of the mean reds has descended upon me. I don�t know where it comes from, but when it does, it really throws me for a loop. I�m struggling to maintain the cool that usually fills me, but right now it�s not working. I hate that. I think it�s because I neglected to take my pill this weekend. Stupid, I know. I know that Lexapro keeps me from going off, but this weekend I neglected to take it. So now I suffer for no reason. How awful is that??

Besides the encroaching reds, I had a decent weekend. Saw Big Fish on Sunday. The magic was wonderful. I love stories like this. It actually beat out LOTR!! By a mere $400,00, but they still beat them! I was surprised. Lord of the Rings is an amazing epic. I didn�t think anything would do that, not even for a week, but it happened!

And now I struggle with the reds and struggle with the inevitable loneliness that falls upon me with it. It�s one of the toughest things I deal with, but most people have it much worse, so I should shut up.

Now is the time for my week to begin. Off I go�

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